Despite my addiction to clubbing, I’m actually not a very social person. (Why are you laughing, Micki?) I prefer to be alone even when I’m dating someone. I like to ride alone because I’ve never really gotten the hang of a rider (though, okay, it does have its advantages.. wink, wink) and I ride just to ride not to go someone. The speed and power is what I’m looking for. Riding a motorcycle through dark streets makes me feel like I’m part of the city. Like a living part of a complicated machine.
I like to paint alone. I went through my “I need a model” stage in college. It was, um, fun. But I got that wild streak out of my system. Now I want to alone with my palette, my canvas and my nifty little Lyra mp3 player. I want to fall into stroke and color.
Working on games is probably the only different arena. I like to chart it out alone but I really enjoy (okay, live for) hashing out ideas with other people interested in the idea. The Mardi Gras 3000 forum members have been amazing for this. I really do think that they find holes in ideas I never would have caught as well as enrich ideas and flesh them out. Think about it all: I talk to LoneLobos (Chris), AreaneCreator (Launa), Brianne (um, Brianne) and Alison at Night, Angelus, MasterDonny and everyone else and, off-line, they talk with their room mates, teachers, partners, parents, doctors, etc. and we wind up with a body of knowledge and ideas that is vast and varied. I know I’ve talked about this type of co-op idea building before, but I really do love it.
But there’s another aspect to these type of online “elantionships” (as Jennifer coined for me). I find that I’m more willing to write something very honest and maybe not too upbeat or even pretty to an online friend than I am to a pal sitting across the table from me. I am more willing to discuss a honest and perhaps embarrassing issue online. I’m more willing to confess an idea or feeling that might be silly. I’m more relaxed, more at ease, less defensive.
Now, Psychology class wasn’t that long ago and I know very well that the Internet provides a type of anonymity that a table and a cup of coffee just doesn’t allow. I understand that it is easier to post something on a blog or forum than to look someone in the eye and tell them. There is a safe detachment involved with an online community.
I don’t think one type of friendship should or can replace the other but I do think that online friendships are valid. An additional way for us to connect with each other. And I’m not talking about one-time wonder chat rooms. I’m talking about reoccurring forums or the like where members keep a single identity and relationships build day after day.
In the fifteen minutes it takes me to make a cup of coffee and a bagel, I can post two hundred words about space/time, cultural clash or the Ascension of Christ. I can get my brain juggling thoughts and ideas that will be flashpoints for the rest of my creative day. In fifteen minutes on the phone, I can say, “Hey. How are you? How was work?” and get a similarly limited response.
The world is changing. I can consider myself close friends with someone I’ve never met in person. Someone I’ve never spoken to on the phone. What someone looks like means very little to me. What (and how) they’re thinking means a lot more. I’m not a nomadic tribesman who needs to pick her companions according to physical brawn and mating prowess ;) Which is a darn good thing since online gender is always suspect!
E.J.
